


But Never Doubt My Love

by Marvels_Bitch



Category: P.S. I Love You (2007), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Karaoke, Letters, Love, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, References to Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4522746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvels_Bitch/pseuds/Marvels_Bitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted on my Wattpad account<br/>Based of off the movie 'PS. I Love You' Tom Hiddleston x Loki Laufeyson Loki feels alone in the world after lover Thomas sadly passes away. After three weeks of mourning a letter arrives in the mail from Tom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Funeral

**Author's Note:**

> There is a playlist I made on 8tracks for this fic here: http://8tracks.com/_100005469330495/but-never-doubt-my-love-tomki

 

_It all happened so fast… one day we were joking around at home, and the next I was in the waiting room at London hospital. What went wrong? I tried everything, and now I’m here sitting in front of your ashes. Your sisters and mother are here, your father and friends. You were too young. Why didn’t you take the golden apple I presented to you on our wedding? We could have been with each other for eternity if you hadn’t of been so stubborn. You didn’t want to leave everyone behind, I understand, but you left me the moment you chose to stay mortal… By Odin you were only forty five! You left me too soon Thomas, too soon…_

“We are here today to remember a remarkable man, Thomas William Hiddleston. He was loved by many and I have here, a list of things he wanted said at his funeral…”

Loki couldn’t take his eyes off of the urn that he and Tom had picked out before he died. It was back with gold rimming. It had reminded Tom of Loki. There were also baby blue vines wrapping themselves around the urn. Loki had seen that as Tom. His Tom, who would always wrap himself around him.

“Now it says here that ‘he wants everyone to stop crying and have a good time.’”

People chuckled sadly as they heard those words. Loki did not. He continued to stare at the remains of his husband.

“Something for my husband Loki…”

Loki raised his eyes to look at the priest as he heard his name. The priest smiled at him and read on.

“’Knowing you darling, you are probably ignoring everyone and saying horrible things to our friends.” There was a chuckle among the others.

“But know this. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar, but never doubt my love.”

Loki chocked back a sob as the heard those words. He didn’t hear them in the priest’s voice, he heard them in toms. Toms mum can over to him and wrapped her small arms around him. Loki held on to her tightly. She had helped him so much through this tough time. Loki’s family couldn’t be there because of things going on in Asgard.

While hugging Tom’s mother he looked over her shoulder towards the urn. He saw his tom standing beside it, giving Loki a soft, sad smile. To Loki, everyone else in the room disappeared and the only person that mattered was tom.

 

He thought back to their last conversation before things went downhill.

 

_“Do not anger me Thomas!”_

_“What did I do Loki? I merely told the Allfather that we don’t wish to live here. He never liked me or my family because we are midgardians and all of a sudden he wants us to move to Asgard? I’m not having it.”_

_Loki sighed softly. “I was going to tell him in private… what he was not telling you Thomas is that the only reason he wants us to move here is because he wants me to help the warriors.”_

_Tom frowned. “But if we move here we will always see him. What about when we have children?! What then Loki?” tom stopped in shock when he realised what he said._

_Loki looked into Tom’s eyes as he tried to form words. “… You never told me you wanted children…” Loki said quietly._

_Tom just stood there. There was a silence for about five minutes before tom spoke. “… Well.. what person doesn’t want children…” he said awkwardly. He sat on the bed in their chambers in the palace of Asgard._

_Loki walked over to the bed and knelt down in front of him. “if we have children… they will be half Jotun. They would barely be grown by the time you are in your eighties. I would have to offer you the apple again.”_

_Tom listened closely. “… If you become pregnant, I… will eat a golden apple.”_

Loki was snapped back to reality when the priest came towards him. “It says here that Tom wanted you to press play.” Loki looked down at his hands and pressed play. Then from the speakers ‘its Friday I’m in love’ started playing. Loki chuckled sadly; _of course Tom would have had this playing._

 After everyone had said their goodbyes to tom and their condolences to Loki, he was left alone with the urn. He sighed and picked it up, taking it upstairs to their bedroom. He placed it on the chest of draws facing the bed and sat facing it.

After half an hour of staring at the urn and crying he turned on his side and reached out to Tom’s side. As soon as he did it he regretted it and turned to the other side.

 

_Tom got home late and wrapped his arms around Loki as he crawled into bed. Loki pretended to be asleep but he moved into Tom’s chest. Tom chuckled softly and placed a kiss on Loki’s forehead. “Why did you call me earlier darling? I only just checked my phone when I stepped into the car sorry.” Tom told Loki softly. Loki sighed, “Its better I tell you in person anyway,” Loki started. He turned to face tom and reached for his hand, placing it over his stomach. Tom was confused at first but soon got the hint. He smiled widely and had tears in his eyes. Tom kissed Loki deeply and rubbed his stomach. “I love you.” He said as he nuzzled closer to Loki. Loki smiled and replied, “I love you too.”_


	2. The First Letter

 

**Three weeks after the funeral**

It was the annoying home phone that finally woke Loki up from his deep sleep. He dreamt of what life could have been like if tom was still alive. After turning over and realising that tom still wasn’t there, he went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He was always told how much like tom he looked, just with long black hair and emerald green eyes. But his eyes were now swollen and sunken and his frame even thinner than before.  He hadn’t realised until the funeral how little he had eaten since tom had died. He would have the odd sweet or biscuit but he hadn’t had a full meal until Diana, Tom’s mother, invited him over for a roast last Sunday. It was nice having Diana so close as his own family hadn’t come to see him once since his husbands passing.  Diana would regularly check up on him to make sure he had everything he needed. In a way, Loki thought of her as his midgardian mother, the one that would care for him when his mother wasn’t with him.

Loki was pulled out of his thoughts when the phone rang again. He looked over at the bedside table and sighed. He reached for the phone and held it against his ear.

“Finally you picked up!”

It was tom’s little Sister Emma. She was the loudest out of her and Sarah, Tom’s older sister. Emma would be the one that Tom would have to pick up from parties after she knew she had something to drink. Tom and Emma were very close so it makes sense for her to get along with Loki as she was always over at their house. She had a strong square jaw and long, flowing blonde hair, much like Loki’s Brother Thor. She also had eyes like Toms, like the blue after a storm. If Loki was honest he would say she was very pretty. But every time Loki looked at her, he was reminded of Tom.

“What is it?”

Loki asked quite groggily as he checked the time. _12:17pm_ , he sighed. He sat down on the bed once again and stared at toms ashes. This was a daily routine for Loki. It was if he was making sure that tom was definitely dead.

“Hello?”

Loki shook his head as he realised Emma was still talking.

“My apologies, what was that?”

Loki said softer than when he spoke earlier.

A sad sigh was clearly audible from the other end of the phone. “I was saying that mum is making Sheppard’s pie tonight. You should come over, we miss you.”

Loki chuckled softly. “You mean that you miss me. I saw your mother just the other day.” Loki had bumped into her at Tescos doing the weekly shopping.

“Fine, yes. But will you come?” Loki could hear the pleading in her voice and gave in.

“Alright, I shall be there at six thirty.”

After a few more exchanges of pleasantries Loki hung up. He walked back into the bathroom and had a shower.

 

_It had been a long day. Loki had been at work as a mythology lecturer for the past six hours. All he wanted to do was shower and settle down with a book. Tom was in Toronto filming some horror film. Loki had forgotten the name. He had just closed his eyes when someone stepped in the shower with him. He went to grab the intruder’s neck, and then he saw it was Tom. He smacked his chest and chuckled as he gave Tom a kiss. “I thought you were still in Toronto!” Loki exclaimed as he hugged Tom’s upper body tightly._

_“I had to come back and see you two though.” Tom said softly as he placed a hand on Loki's stomach. Loki placed his hand over Tom’s,_

_“I think it’s a girl.” Loki stated as he looked up at tom._

_“Really?” tom asked with a smile._

_Loki nodded, “she shall have long raven black hair like mine, and eyes like yours.”_

_Tom chuckled. “She is going to be beautiful, no matter what she looks like.”_

Loki suddenly stopped the shower. He didn’t want to think of that time. He looked at his now childless stomach and stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel as he walked past it. After he had put clothing on and made some bacon and eggs, there was a knock at the door. Loki stood up walked towards the door. He opened the door and a mail man was there holding a letter for him. Loki took the letter and gave the man his thanks. He stared at the letter quite confused before he opened it.

It read:

 

“My dearest Loki,

I know you must be very sad and this is why I have written these letters.

Don’t ask how they are getting to you or where they are coming from, just accept them and do what I say. I know that you have been wanting to get rid of that awful mattress for a while now. So I want you to go buy the most comfortable mattress you can find and buy it. Don’t argue that it doesn’t matter either, because I know that it’s been hurting your back. Also I want you to buy some nice clothes that you can dance in. Do you remember our first date? How I took you to that restaurant that had a disco area? Well that is where you are going tomorrow whether you like it or not. So have fun and stop lying in bed all day.

From Tom.

 

PS. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar, but never doubt my love.”

 

Loki smiled to himself sadly and placed the letter into his pocket. He did what tom asked. He bought a new mattress and bought some new jeans and a nice shirt.

By the time six thirty came around Loki had finished in town and had just arrived at Diana’s house. It was small, cozy and always inviting. Diana had made it very clear to Loki to stop by whenever he wanted, no phone call needed. She even gave him a key. He stepped out of the car and walked to the front door. He opened it and smiled once he saw that not only was Diana and Emma there, but Sarah and her daughter Lucy were also there. Lucy was six years old and had long curly blonde hair. Her front teeth were missing and she had brown eyes like her father. She ran to Loki and hugged his legs.

“Uncle Loki!” she yelled quite happily.

Loki smiled down at her and picked her up, “hello my little Liebchan.” He chuckled. She was very fond of her uncle Loki as ‘he could do magic’, as she would put it.

After Loki had said hello to everyone in the house he sat down next to Lucy and spoke. “I received a letter today…” he started. “From Thomas… it was written before he died.” He said as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out the letter and placed it on the table. Diana picked it up and her daughters surrounded her as she read it out loud. They all turned to Loki after she had finished,

“Did you do what he told you to do?” Emma spoke up after a moment’s pause.

Loki nodded with a sad smile and Lucy hugged her uncle. “Don’t worry Uncle Loki, you still have me!” she said with a grin.

When Loki returned home that night, he placed his clothes in the wardrobe and replaced the mattress. Placing the old one in the spare room. He climbed inside his bed and looked at the urn, as he had done every night for the past three weeks. “Goodnight Thomas, I hope you and our little Alice are joined up in Valhalla.” Loki said with a yawn as he hugged Tom’s pillow and closed his eyes.


	3. The Second Letter

It was the alarm that eventually woke Loki up. He had set it the previous night as he really needed to clean the house. Loki invited Emma and Sarah over to go dancing this evening. He also invited Zachary Levi, one of Tom’s colleagues, to come as well. Zac was nice. He was about six foot four, warm brown eyes and dark brown hair. Zac was well known for his dancing and Loki had never accepted the offer to go when Zac and Tom went.

 

_“Come on Loki, it’ll be fun!” Tom pleaded. Tom had been practically begging Loki to go dancing with him and some friends with work. He was practically on his knees begging for him to come._

_Loki just shook his head and continued tidying the house. “I do not wish to dance with you and your friends. If it were only you however I would. But there is going to be quite a few of them! I do not wish to dance with them.”_

_Tom sighed. “Fine.”_

_Loki regretted saying ‘No’ as soon as he heard that leave Tom’s mouth. Loki went to touch Tom’s shoulder but he pulled away._

_Tom went into the bedroom and shut the door. He placed some clothes on the bed and started to get changed._

_Loki was on the other side of the door, his hand pressed against it. “Thomas please, open the door.” Loki could hear Tom stop moving clothing around, he taught he must be contemplating it. “Thom-uff.” Loki held his stomach as he leaned against the door for support._

_Tom was now standing at the door. “Loki, darling are you alright?...Get off the door I’m coming out.”_

_Loki moved so he was now leaning against the wall._

_Tom rushed out and cupped Loki's face. “Darling what’s wrong, are you alright?” Tom was looking for signs of hurt in Loki's face, but all he saw was a small smile form on his lovers face. Tom looked down and saw Loki cupping his stomach. Loki reached for toms hand and placed it where the baby was kicking. Tom let out a soft, relieved sigh and kissed Loki's forehead. “I’m sorry darling.” He said after the kicking subdued. Loki just smiled and pulled tom into an embrace, “that my foolish mortal, is one reason why I cannot go dancing. Little one would not like it, plus I would not be able to keep up the glimmer.” Since Loki had starting showing, he would put on a glimmer to make himself look normal, just as he does to appear ᴂsir instead of Jotun. Tom then chuckled, “it still doesn’t excuse all of the other times you could have come.”_

Loki was pulled out of his thoughts once he heard the door bell. He stopped what he was doing and was greeted by the mail man. Loki did not hesitate when the mail man handed Loki a letter and he slammed the door in his face. He ripped the envelope open and took out the letter.

 

“My Dearest Loki,

By now I assume you have asked my sisters to accompany you tonight dancing. I hope you have a fantastic time darling. I also assume you bought everything I told you to buy yesterday. Now… there is a catch to tonight. And you being the god of mischief and lies, I thought I should tell you now. There will be karaoke, and if you don’t sing I shall be very disappointed and the letters will stop until you do sing. So go out and have fun!

From Tom.

 

PS. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar, but never doubt my love.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes as he read the letter. It was just so _Tom._

 

Later that night there was a knock at the door and Emma, Sarah, and Zac walked in. they looked around the house and noticed how clean it was. Loki came out of the bedroom wearing black skinny jeans; Tom would say “ _They hug your arse perfectly. I hope I won’t have to be the protective husband.”_ Loki felt as if he could hear tom saying that from behind him. He was also wearing emerald green Doctor Martins boots, a ‘The Cure’ T-Shirt and one of Tom’s leather jackets. Loki would normally steal Tom's leather jackets when he was alive, especially the black one. Loki always thought that Tom suited the brown one more.

Loki said hello to the three and Zac drove them to the restaurant that they were going to be partying at. Loki couldn’t help but think of their first date.

_“By Odin… Thomas! You aren’t seriously going to do it are you?!” Loki practically yelled over the music._

_“Of course I am!” Tom chuckled. Tom walked up to the stage and the music stopped. He picked a song and the music started playing._

_“I don't care if Monday's blue,_ __  
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too,  
Thursday I don't care about you,   
It's Friday I’m in love.”

_Tom had started singing his favourite song, ‘Its Friday I’m In Love’ by the Cure. Every time he sang a verse he would look at Loki. Loki chuckled to himself and mouthed along the words, getting a look of approval from Tom as the crowd cheered._

Loki and the other three walked into the restaurant and took a seat. After conversing for about half an hour Zac had left and returned with drinks. Loki nodded in thanks as he took a sip. Zac was eyeing up the karaoke as the previous person stepped off of the stage after they finished singing ‘part of your world’ from the little mermaid. Zac was up before anyone could even think about getting up there and singing. He picked ‘Bust a Move’ and he had everybody eating out of his hand as he made them sing with him. When he finished there was a loud roar of cheers and Loki stood up to take his place. Zac patted him on the back as he handed over the microphone. Loki let out a sigh, “this is for you Thomas.” He whispered before he started to sing ‘Its Friday I’m in love.” Loki hadn’t even realised he had finished until everyone started cheering. He looked over to the table he was just at and he saw that both Sarah and Emma were crying and Zac was trying to hide the fact that he was crying. Loki bit his lip and went back to the table. As soon as he got to the table, he was embraced into a huge group hug. Loki chuckled sadly as tears threatened to fall from the corner of his eyes. Loki pulled back. “Now come on…” Loki wiped his eyes, “Let us not be sad.” He said with a faltering smile. Zac nodded, he too wiping his eyes. “Let’s dance.” He cheered.


	4. The Third Letter

It must have been one AM when Loki returned back home. He had had a fair amount to drink, and was quite drunk. Zac walked Loki to the door and said goodnight as he left. Loki stumbled inside and collapsed face first on the bed. Sadly alcohol made Loki's mind turn dark.

 

 _It was early October and Loki was around seven months pregnant now. Tom had gone out to by Loki some mint chocolate chip ice cream. Loki was having quite the craving for cold treats, he assumed it was because the babe wanted something cool. Loki walked into the bathroom as he realised he had left his watch in there after taking a bath this morning. As he walked inside the bathroom, he felt a strange feeling as if a storm was coming, and he was right. But it wasn’t the storm giving Loki that feeling as there was a sharp feeling in his stomach. He made a low ‘unf’ as it happened again. Soon he realised he was bleeding rather heavily from between his legs. The sight made Loki thing of a se_ a _of blood as he fell to the ground. He was losing blood rapidly as his vision faded to black. One of the last things Loki heard was the thunder getting louder and the shout of his brother. “Brother!” he heard Thor call._

_Tom arrived home from the supermarket to find Thor holding Loki's limp body in his arms before he flew Loki and Tom to the nearest hospital. Tom and Thor waited outside of Loki's room before a doctor came out and told them what Tom had been expecting to hear. There was no way to stop it. Thor turned to Tom and gave him a sympathetic look. Tom just stood and went into Loki's room, taking his hand._

_The first thing Loki heard when he woke up was the sound of beeping. He opened his eyes to see Tom stroking his hand. “w-where am i?” Loki asked Tom as he tried to turn over. Tom quickly stopped him before Loki could do any damage to himself. “You’re in the hospital darling. Thor brought us here.” Loki furrowed his brow as he tried to think why he was here. He went to cup his stomach but when he felt a flat surface his eyes formed tears and his throat choked up. He turned to Tom. “No, no no, nonononono.” He kept repeating as Tom pulled Loki as far into his arms as he could without hurting him. Tom tried to calm Loki down but he himself was failing to keep his composure. Tom started to cry with his husband. Loki then pulled back slightly. “Why?” he asked, his voice rough. Tom cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. “It couldn’t be stopped… Alice had a birth defect that the doctors couldn’t pick up on until it was too late. She was never going to live.” Tom said quietly. Alice, Alice was the name they decided on for their daughter. They picked that name as they imagined her to be as curious and adventurous as Alice from ‘Alice in Wonderland’. Loki was silent as a million thoughts ran through his head. There was a knock at the door and Loki raised his head slowly. “Who is it?” he asked weakly. Tom started to see every wall that he had knocked down start to rebuild in Loki as his eyes hardened and he became distant.  Thor stepped in and Loki leaned back into the bed. “How are you brother?” he said softly as he stayed at the foot of the bed. Loki looked up at him, “how do you think I feel?” he asked rather harsher than he had intended. Thor just nodded and looked down at him feet. “Thank you Thor. If you hadn’t of been there, Loki would have died.” Tom said softly from Loki's side. Loki nodded. “Yes… Thank you,” said Loki. “Why are you even here, I did not send for you.” Loki stated after a while. Thor reached into his pocket. “to bring you this, but I appears to have rotted while we waited for you.” Thor said as he pulled out what looked to be the remains of a golden apple. Loki's eyes started filling with more tears. “Mother got it for you.” Thor added. Loki shook his head. “How long have I been here?” Loki asked now crying again. “A week and a half,” Tom stated. Loki nodded. “Thor, brother, I think it best you go back to Asgard. I wouldn’t want father to wonder where you are. Thor was about to say he was going to stay but said his goodbyes and left with a mighty storm in his path._

Loki woke up crying and screaming as he threw one of his pillows, accidentally knocking Tom's urn off of the table. Loki stopped in shock and ran over to it, happy to hear that there wasn’t a smash. He picked it up and placed it back where it was. “I’m sorry Thomas.” He whispered as he went into the kitchen and took some aspirin.

**Three weeks later:**

 

The knock of the mail man came later than usual this day. Loki answered the door, was handed his letter and said goodbye to the mail man. He opened the letter as he had the previous two and read.

 

“My dearest Loki,

I’m glad to see that you sang some karaoke. I bet I can guess what song you did. It was my favourite wasn’t it? I’m telling you Loki, you’re becoming too predictable in your old age. Now I know you’ll be against this but get rid of all of my things, my clothes, anything of mine that you don’t _need._ I’m not there anymore so there is no reason to keep them. You’ll finally get the closet space you wanted. You don’t need my belongings to make it seem as if I’m there, because I am always with you Loki,

From Tom.

 

PS. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar, but never doubt my love.”

 

Loki stood stock still for a few moments as he thought of packing everything away and he shuddered. He decided to call Zac to help him as he knew he wouldn’t get rid of things he should.

Zac arrived about an hour later with some cardboard boxes. It took the two off them three hours to pack everything away. The only things of Tom's left where they were were his books and the black leather jacket that Loki loved so much. Zac ended up taking a few of the boxes with him as Loki didn’t need the things in them and Zac seemed to like them.

It must have been around eleven when Loki went to sleep that day. With one last glance at Tom's urn he went to sleep.


	5. The Forth Letter

It took around a month and a half for the next letter to arrive. Loki had been thinking that the letters had stopped, and was about to give up hope until the mail man arrived smiling widely as he handed Loki the letter. Loki brought the letter inside and ripped it open.

 

“My dearest Loki,

I have never been one to hold a grudge; you of all people would know that. But what I’m going to ask of you today will not be easily done, and I apologise. I want you to summon Heimdal, go to Asgard, and make amends with Odin. Your mother and brother should be supportive and help but you need to do it by yourself. I know its going to be hard, I know you can do it.

From Tom.

 

PS. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar, but never doubt my love.”

 

Loki stared at the letter and felt anger and hurt build up in him. He ran into the bedroom and snarled as he faced Tom's urn. “You betrayed me! Why would you ask of such a thing from me!” Loki was panting now, “I WILL NOT MAKE AMENDS WITH THE MAN THAT KILLED YOU!!” Loki was screaming now. His eyes ached from crying so much and he was pulling his hair so hard as he paced that he ended up fainting from lack of oxygen.

 

_“I’ve been summoned.” Loki said bitterly as he entered the bedroom where Tom was reading his book ‘Coriolanus.’ Tom lifted his eyes from his book and raised an eyebrow. “Do you know why?” Tom asked as he moved over so that Loki could sit next to him._

_Loki sighed angrily as he lay next to Tom and rested his head on Tom's chest. Tom smiled softly and ran his hands through Loki's long raven like locks. “I do not, and I do not wish to go. Especially since they asked you to come also.” Loki grumbled as he nuzzled Tom's chest._

_Tom chuckled softly, “well unlike you, I like it in Asgard. I also like spending time with your mother, she’s very lovely.” Tom said as he ran a hand down Loki's side, trying to sooth him. Loki just continued to grumble, but after much dispute he agreed to going._

 

_When they arrived In the BiFrost Frigga, Loki's mother was there to greet them. She took both boys in her arms and hugged them tightly. She turned to Loki and gave him a sympathetic look. Loki knew that look. His mother being the goddess of fertility of course she would know about Alice. That or Thor told her. Loki just took Tom's hand and led him down the rainbow bridge, Frigga was following behind._

_At the palace, Loki and Tom were expected to go to the throne room to see Odin. Once they entered Odin raised his eye from his feet to meet Loki's eyes. Loki and Tom walked to the throne and kneeled. Odin gave them the signal to rise and took in Loki's appearance. “I heard about the babe, how tragic.” Odin said as if he didn’t care. Frigga scolded her husband at the lack of his sympathy. “Odin, you of all people should know how hard it is to lose a child, we lost Baldr remember?” Frigga snapped as she walked behind Loki and rubbed his back softly. Tom and Loki were visibly upset and Loki was getting angrier by the second. Tom squeezed his hand affectionately as he started to run the pad of his thumb over Loki's hand. Odin nodded, “My apologies.” He said, clearly not sorry at all. “Where is Thor?” Loki asked before Odin could open his mouth again. “Vanaheim, there have been riots, he left this morning.” Loki nodded. After an awkward silence Odin dismissed Loki and Tom. Once they had gotten out of the throne room, Loki visibly relaxed and practically ran to their room. When they were inside Loki broke down. Tom sat beside him, rubbing his back and kissing his temple trying to calm him down. Tom was about to say something to Loki when a knock at the door disrupted him. Tom went to answer it as Loki clearly wasn’t going to._

_When Tom arrived back to Loki he was holding a small package and a note. Tom read the note as he opened the package. Inside was a golden apple. Loki's heart leapt at the sight of it. He reached for it and Tom handed it to him. “I know you said you would only eat one if we were to have a child… but the opportunity has presented itself for us, and we can try for other children later in life.” Loki said quietly as he raised his eyes to meet Tom's. Tom smiled and took the apple from Loki. Loki was about to say something else when Tom took a bite from the apple. Loki smiled as Tom chewed. There was a moment after Tom had swallowed where Loki could see that something was wrong. Tom started coughing, at first Loki thought he was choking but he wasn’t. Tom fell on the ground and was visibly shaking as he coughed into his hand. He pulled his hand away to see blood dripping off of it. Loki panicked and yelled at the top of his lungs for the guards to get the healers._

_When the healers arrived Tom was worse. His hair was losing its golden shine and becoming dull and grey. His cheeks were becoming hollow and he had started vomiting more blood. Frigga arrived with the healers and consulted Loki while they worked on Tom. Loki's eyes were fixated on Tom's trembling form as his mother was talking to him. He didn’t hear anything; he only heard the sound of his blood pumping at an accelerated rate. Frigga shook Loki to snap him out of it but it was clear that he was in shock. Frigga sat Loki down and walked over to the healers who had stopped the episode that Tom had. They told her what was wrong and she walked back to Loki. Loki could see that Frigga was practically in tears as she knelt in front of him. “Loki… Loki look at me.” He looked down at her. “There’s nothing they can do for him Loki, he’s been cursed and no one is powerful enough or knows how to reverse it.” Loki felt his whole world shatter with that one sentence. He looked over to the bed to see that the healers had stabilized him and he was sleeping. The only thing keeping Loki remotely grounded was the small rise and fall of Tom's chest. Loki's sadness soon turned into anger as he picked up the note the apple arrived with and stormed out of the room. “Look after him until I get back!” he yelled. He ran to the throne room and right up to Odin. “THIS IS TAKING HATING THE MIDGARDIANS TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL ALLFATHER!” he yelled as he wrapped his hands around Odin’s neck. The guards quickly ran for Loki and pulled him off of the Allfather, making him kneel at the foot of the throne. “And what is it you are accusing me of trickster?!” Odin said loudly. Loki threw the note at him. “YOU HAVE JUST KILLED MY HUSBAND!” Loki screamed at the top of his lungs. Odin picked up the note and screwed it up, make a flame and burnt it. “As I’m aware he is not dead yet and… if you are going to accuse me, where is your proof?” Odin stated. Loki yelled and kicked as the guards dragged him out of the throne room and down the hall to his room where Tom was just regaining consciousness. The healers had gone and Frigga had stood up from the side of Tom's bed at the sight of her son being dragged in. Loki went over to Tom while Frigga went outside to speak with the guards. Tom smiled when he finally opened his eyes properly and saw Loki. But the smile was soon gone once he saw Loki was crying. “What’s wrong darling?” he asked weakly. Loki sobbed and got into the bed with Tom, hugging him tightly._

_Loki explained everything and soon they were back on Midgard. Loki called Tom's family and told them what was happening and slowly Tom started to deteriorate. His legs stopped working, and one by one his organs were failing. Sadly Tom died two months after they got back from Asgard._

Loki sat up quickly as he was awoken by thunder. Thor entered the house and saw his brother on the floor. “Are you alright brother?!” Thor asked as he ran over to him. “I’m fine.” Loki said quietly as he stood up. He told Thor about everything, the letters from Tom and about his latest request. Thor nodded along with everything. When Loki had finished, he was in tears and his brother was holding him. “This is one request brother you cannot complete, Not only for your sake, but… I now reign as king. Father has fallen into the Odin sleep and this time it looks as if he will not wake up.” Loki nodded and sighed, glad to of gotten everything off of his chest. “He always did have impeccable timing.” Loki said with a slight growl. Thor nodded, “mother is sorry that she couldn’t come herself but she wanted me to tell you that she should be down to see you soon... You can always come home Loki.” Loki shook his head. “This is home. Where Tom is, is home.” Thor nodded again and he and Loki came to the conclusion that he should stay the night.

 


	6. The Last Letter

Thor ended up staying with his brother for a week before Thor was called back to Asgard. It took a while but Thor convinced Loki to come to Asgard with him. As they stood in the middle of the street a mild wind started to blow. Thor called out to the gatekeeper. “HEIMDAL OPEN THE BIFROST!” the wind picked up fiercely, a bright light surrounded them and the whizzing sound of the BiFrost was heard as they were sucked off of the ground and pulled to Asgard.  They arrived in the BiFrost and nodded to Heimdal as they walked down the rainbow bridge.

This had been the first time since Tom died. Now there golden walls of the palace seemed dull, like Tom's hair after he was cursed. The happy commoners and staff seemed to be drowned out and it all sounded muffled. Once Frigga saw her sons she smiled and went towards Loki. She hadn’t seen him since he and Tom left, Heimdal had been informing them on what happened.

They walked around the palace until they came across Lady Sif and the Warriors Three at the training grounds. Loki wasn’t as close to the warriors as Thor was but he didn’t mind them. Loki liked Volstagg as he was very family orientated; he was tall and quite large in the stomach area. He had long ginger hair and was very jolly. He had a very pretty wife and many adorable children. Hogun was very distant and quiet but he cared for his friends. Hogun is from Vanaheim so he is quite a long way from home. Sif, Sif and Loki have had their disagreements over the past two hundred years but she was always very supportive of his and Tom's relationship. Then the last warrior was Fandral. Loki and Fandral had sort of a fling in their adolescence. Nobody knew about it but even when it ended they were on good terms. Zac was the human doppelganger of Fandral, except Fandral had blonde hair and facial hair instead of dark brown. He still had the same warm brown eyes as Zac though. Fandral was notorious for sleeping with most of the inhabitants of Asgard but he and Loki knew that that was just a rumour that led people to start calling him ‘Fandral the Dashing’. He was very dashing yes, but Loki always calls him ‘Fandral the Scoundrel’, the name he was given about the time Loki became ‘The Trickster’.

All of the warriors treated Loki as they would of before Tom passed. After they had all caught up and had dinner Loki asked if he could see Odin. Frigga allowed it and led him to their bedroom where Odin was sleeping. Loki smirked to himself and thanked his mother. Frigga left them alone and Loki paced around the bed. “In my last letter, Thomas told me to forgive you… but we both know that isn’t going to happen. You think that because you are king you are above everyone else, when in reality you are nothing but a fool. The humans are so smart; yes there may be some stupid ones but look at you. You aren’t exactly smart, falling into the Odinsleep right before I am instructed to come here.” Loki sat next to the bed. “You see, I wasn’t going to come here, but Thor told me about this…” he motioned to the room. “ _But_ _the opportunity has presented itself for us..._ That’s what I said to my dear Thomas before he took a bite of that cursed apple you gave him. I hate to be the bearer of bad news… no, who am I kidding I love it.” He said as he picked up a nearby pillow and pressed it against Odin’s face and smothered him. The moment Loki realised he was dead he called for the guards and acted upset.

The next morning was quiet. Everybody knew Loki murdered the Allfather, but it was as if everyone else had wanted him to do it. Loki was never charged for murdering the king but after another two weeks of staying in Asgard he went home to Midgard.

He arrived home to no letters from Tom but the next day Zac arrived at his house. Loki and Tom had become close over the course of the past month and a half. Loki told Zac how he hadn’t gotten a letter from Tom for a while and Zac sighed. Loki was confused before Zac pulled a letter out of his pocket. “Before he died, he told me to take these letters and give them to you without you figuring out it was me. When you were in Asgard I thought it best to hold on to it for a little longer encase something happened to it. I wasn’t too sure about giving you the letters at first, but I saw how it lifted your spirits up when you got the first one. So here…” he handed Loki the letter. “It’s the last one.” Loki lifted his eyes so he was looking at Zac and gave him a hug. “Thank you…” he whispered as he pulled back and started to open the letter. “I’ll go now, I’ll see you later.” Zac said as he let himself out. Loki pulled the letter out of the envelope.

 

“My dearest Loki,

This is the last letter I think I’ll write. My hands don’t work as well as they used to and you’ll be back from Tescos soon. I want you to know that it’s alright for you to move on. I’m not there anymore Loki and you still have a long life left ahead of you. Give or take a couple thousand years. Do not be afraid to fall in love again. Move out if you want to, go back to Asgard, you can do whatever you like now darling, as long as you move on. You were the love of my life, but it doesn’t mean I have to be the love of yours.

From Tom.

 

PS. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar, but never doubt my love.”

 

Loki was sobbing as he put the letter down. he didn’t feeling alone anymore. These letters had taken him on a journey, they made him feel whole. As if every letter was slowly filling the void that Tom had left. He smiled to himself and thought of Zac. If he ran he would be able to catch up with him. So he did. He ran and ran and ran. He saw Zac and called out to him but suddenly a taxi turned around the corner. As Loki crossed the road the taxi collided with him.


	7. Epilogue

_He ran and ran and ran. He saw Zac and called out to him but suddenly a taxi turned around the corner. As Loki crossed the road the taxi collided with him._

Loki woke up with a jump as he looked around the room.

What you don’t realise is that for the past one hundred years Loki has been here. Loki is in the deepest, darkest dungeon Asgard has to offer. After Loki tried to commit genocide and enslave the human race, Odin Allfather sent his adopted son to spend the rest of his life down here. Every day for the past one hundred years, twice a day, Loki has been severely tortured. You see, Tom, Alice and everything that has occurred, never happened. The torture Loki has endured has been so painful that he created a fake world in his mind to get through it.

 

 

Tom and Alice were metaphors.  The loss of Alice was to show the loss of Loki's childhood when he found out what he was, when he found out his entire existence was a lie. He was never Odin's son; he would always come second to Thor. The loss of ‘Alice’ also gave Loki the time and the reason he needed to process what he had found out. He made the guards and staff who worked in the dungeons question his sanity though as he would call out Alice’s name in the middle of the night.

Tom on the other hand showed how Odin destroyed Loki's tender side. How he killed the kind and forgiving side of Loki with the lies he has told him his whole life.  The news that he was adopted was so hard on him that he did feel as if Odin had taken a knife to his heart and stabbed it himself.

Thor always turning up at the right time showed how his brother has been by his side the entire time. Even after everything that happened, Thor has stood up for him.

The death of Odin however speaks for itself. All Loki wanted was to be treated as equal to Thor. Odin himself used to rule the midgardians but no, Loki isn’t allowed.

 

 

In his little fantasy though, Loki realised that the midgardians weren’t what he believed them to be. All it took was a dream of his that has lasted nearly fifty of the one hundred years he has spent in the dungeons to see it.

When the guards arrived fill out Loki's sentence Frigga came and stopped them. Loki looked up from the floor of his cell to meet Frigga’s eyes. She knelt in front of him and kissed his forehead as she undid his charmed shackles. The shackles were in place so he couldn’t use his magic. When they were off he looked confused at the woman he used to call mother and she just smiled at him. “You have realised your mistake. I believe you said in your dream… _’you think that because you are king you are above everyone else, when in reality you are nothing but a fool. The humans are so smart; yes there may be some stupid ones’_ , even though you were saying it to the Allfather in your dream, there was truth behind your words. You are now free to go, but the Allfather commands that you must spend the rest of your days on Midgard.” Loki nodded and stumbled as he stood up. Frigga helped him stand as he was led to the end of the BiFrost. Loki was sent to London 1914, the start of the First World War. He assumed this was the Allfather’s doing as he was drafted for the war. Of course he made friends but eventually they died as he never aged. Loki moved around also. Sadly when the Second World War came around he was fighting for the Germans, the enemy last time he fought. All together Loki had been through two wars, all types of flu outbreaks, countless presidential assassinations until he ended up back in London in 1987. Loki was at a local playground eating his lunch when a football rolled over to him. He picked it up and saw a little boy running to him. The boy had the brightest blue eyes and golden curls. The boy slowed down once he reached Loki. Loki held the ball out for the boy to take. The boy took the ball and was about to say something when a woman’s shout cut him off. “Thomas! Come one we’re leaving now!” Loki looked at the boy in shock before the boy smiled and said thank you. Loki watched the boy run off and was frozen. Thomas actually exists.  

Two years later Loki was taking a walk through the woods in the countryside when he heard a child crying. He went to see who it was when he saw the boy with the golden curls again. As if hearing him walk, Tom raised his head and saw Loki. Loki gave him a soft smile and knelt in front of him. “Are you lost little mortal?” he asked softly. Tom nodded. “I am Loki, what is your name?” Loki already knew the answer but thought it best to ask. “T-Tom.” He said as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. Loki chuckled and gave the little boy a tissue. “I prefer Thomas, it suits you better.” He said with a smile. Tom smiled softly and Loki took his hand. “Are you the man that gave me back my ball?” Tom asked after a while of walking. Loki smiled. “I’m surprised you remember that.” Loki said softly. Halfway through the woods Tom had gotten tired of walking so Loki picked him up and let him ride his back. Tom's mother was going frantic by the car as her husband was inside the woods looking for Tom. Loki walked over to Tom's mother and tapped her shoulder. “I believe this child is yours.” She hugged Loki tightly and lifted Tom off of his back. “Thank you so much!” she said as she hugged him again. Tom's dad came out of the woods and sighed in relief as he saw Tom in his seat. He also thanked Loki and they drove off, while Loki walked to his car.

 

Over the next fifteen years, Tom and Loki kept bumping into each other. It was Tom's twenty second birthday when he approached Loki at the bar. “I have been bumping into you all of my life and all I know about you is your name and that you don’t age.” Loki chuckled. “It appears I have a lot of explaining to do.” Loki said with a smirk on his face.

Loki explained everything to Tom, and Tom being Tom believed every word of it. Over the next six years Tom and Loki became close. Tom got the role of Loki in the movie ‘Thor’ and thanks to Loki, Tom played him perfectly.

 

Skip forward another five years, Tom is now thirty three and Loki is living with him. He has played Loki in three movies, taken over comic con and captured the hearts of all teenage girls. Loki sits on the couch as Tom gets home after a long day at work. He lies on the couch and starts grumbling as he rests his head in Loki's lap. Loki smiles softly at him as he runs his hand through Tom's blonde locks. “Did you have a bad day at work?”

Loki and Tom were now in a domestic routine, Tom would work and Loki would have food prepared for when he gets home. A noise came from the room down the hall and it lifted Tom's spirits up instantly. After Tom had retrieved what was making the noise he sat back on the couch with Loki. “Somebody knows that daddy’s home.” Tom cooed as he kissed his daughters forehead. She had black raven like hair and eyes as blue as the sky after a storm. “Our little Alice,” Loki's whispered as he kissed Tom softly.

 

 

Loki woke up with a jump as he looked around the room.

What you don’t realise is that for the past one hundred years Loki has been here. Loki is in the deepest, darkest dungeon Asgard has to offer. After Loki tried to commit genocide and enslave the human race, Odin Allfather sent his adopted son to spend the rest of his life down here. Every day for the past one hundred years, twice a day, Loki has been severely tortured. You see, Tom, Alice and everything that has occurred, never happened. The torture Loki has endured has been so painful that he created a fake world in his mind to get through it…..


End file.
